Author Topic: Advice and an open mind needed  (Read 2447 times)

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Offline Ryango

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Advice and an open mind needed
« on: February 03, 2012, 15:13:50 »
Hi everyone,

I am a long time lurker on these forums and they have been more than helpful to me regarding many questions I have had about the CF.
As of yet I haven't been able to find anything specific enough to my own story in searches to help me in my forthcoming questions and concerns.

I have, since a young boy, always wanted to be in the forces in some way. Namely as a pilot in the air force. As I aged my priorities changed to other career paths but the CF was always in me, always coming up as something I wanted to do. It is important to note that these weren't passing thoughts, they were always there, just that other jobs would drive the focus away for a while.

For the past 6 to 8 years I had decided that Infantry or armoured would be a much better fit for me, as the skill sets that I acquired in that time, and that the hobbies/passions I pursued were very similar to, or were what I consider to be prerequisites for the Infantry.

Currently I am the operational manager of the largest mixed martial arts gym in Canada. Although I much prefer instructing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and coaching the amateur and pro mixed martial artists that come out of the gym.

As it stands now I am going to open my own gym within the next 3 years outside of the big smoke, have kids with the girl I love, and do the settling down thing.

The problem is I have a near fanatical need to join up. I told myself that at 25(which occurs in May) I would be in my career path, or at least a path that would be viable. I have that now, my own gym with a degree that takes as long as a doctorate to achieve, and years of practical business know how in the industry.
I have the goal though of 10 years in the service, 5 as regular force infantry with the goal of becoming a sniper and in the following 5 years the end goal of making it to JTF-2.
This is my focus and drive for the forces. If I don't see myself getting to my goal after the first 5 years I go back and open my gym, which is what I'll be doing coming out of the forces regardless. If I make it, I fulfilled my dream stay in, and open the gym a little later on.

My issue(you knew it was coming) now is that my girlfriend HATES the idea of me even touching a gun in conflict. She can deal with my marksmanship and hunting, but considers war to be conceived by the USA, and anything we as Canadians have to do with it is bull. I am very patriotic in the sense that I want to serve my country, but more that I know in my heart that I can help my fellow CF member, I want to help save lives and protect my fellow man, and continue the tradition of Canadian soldiers being a professional, determined and the most effective force in the world, despite our numbers, or the politics involved.

I also have a dog whom I am devoted to, my girlfriend has a choice in leaving me, he does not. If she could accept my entering the forces this would become a non issue as she already has a dog and accepts mine as hers(maybe a little too much).
I just feel that there is a total lack of compromise in this issue, I do not want to end our relationship, I truly believe it would work fine with me being in the forces, if she would only accept it.
Every time I bring up the discussion she gets stressed out and literally shuts down.

Again this is the girl I want to marry, she wants to marry me, and we both want to end up in the same place. She just wants me to skip the soldiering part.

The recruiters believed I was a better fit for becoming an officer but I have my heart set on Infantry as it was better for my skill sets. I would have been in last year but as you probably know the Infantry was not accepting new applicants. April is now approaching quickly.

My questions then after providing the above information is, what is the schedule like for infantry members after BMQ(for the dog issue)?
What do you guys suggest on the girlfriend issue?

Lastly is there anyway for compromise and lend my services to the CF in instruction? That way I can feel like I'm doing my part.

Thank you for any and all input.

-Ryan 

She wants me to forget about it(although she says do what you want)


Offline Bart905

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2012, 15:53:47 »
I have been with my girl friend for a year and a half. When I first talk to her about the CF she reacted the same way . How are we going to work it out ? Its either me or the CF ? This and that . She acts the same way tries to avoid the situation or just get mad for no reason. I applied for the same colleges as she did just to show her that my intentions are not leaving her for the CF . I also applied for the CF for Infantry and Combat Engineer recently. I ask her do you love me ? she said yes ? Will you be my side no matter what ? she said yes . Then I said if you do love me like you claim then you would let me chase my dream which will make me happy regardless what it is. She agreed after 2-3 months of back and forth fighting about this subject she finally is more understanding . I know that relationships are about sacrifice's but are your ready to regret not applying because your girlfriend that you love said no. What happens if down the road you guys broke up then how would you feel about it . I understand where your coming from because im in the same shoes. Take the time to talk to her about it. I told her if you want to get married I need a partner that's both emotional and mentally supportive of the choices I make . I made her sit and watch the Basic Up videos on youtube to show her exactly what happens in BMQ. I explained to her that it is a secure job and comes with many benefits not only your covered but your family in the future will also . We live once man dont forget and the decisions you make dont regret. If she is willing to leave you because of your choice of career , you think she would stay if a bigger problem presented its self ? Like I said before I'm in the same shoes as you it took me 2-3 months of constantly bringing it up and explaining but then again everyone has their own opinions and goals in life.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2012, 15:57:27 by Bart905 »

Offline Shinobi

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2012, 15:56:19 »
Hey,

I'll start out by saying that I'm a noobie in the CF but my situation bears many similarities to your own. I too am in a serious relationship and we both eventually want to get married. Problem is my girl is very much against the idea of moving away from her large family that is based around the GTA.

Currently I'm finishing my university degree and completing my BMQ with the reserves. This gives me some time before making the jump to reg force and truly starting my career. Hopefully certain relationship issues surrounding such a decision will be worked out by this time. Perhaps this is a good route for you to take as well. It will firstly give you an idea of whether or not the military suits you as well as get your spouse accustomed to the idea of being in the CF. That way when you have the five years or so of experience under your belt and decide to apply for JTF2 your partner will recognize it's something you truly desire and will hopefully be more considerate of your decision having already gained exposure to the military via the reserves.

I hope this helps and I wish you luck on your future endeavours.
"Do or do not... There is not try." - Yoda

Offline serzhe

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2012, 16:04:34 »
Sorry I'm a little off-topic but just curious. What gym are we talking about. (I used to train at Tristar and thought it was the biggest)

Offline ObedientiaZelum

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2012, 16:18:41 »
Your girlfriend is an idiot.

Judging on your description of her she won't accept you in the forces.
There is no way she will accept you joining JTF2.

*you're* going to be the recruit we talk about in the recruiting forums that is on the phone with their girlfriend every night arguing and fighting.
Your leave and vacation will be spent going home to argue and fight with her.
Your nights will be sleepless because you won't be able to reach her on the phone and you'll make yourself sick wondering where she is and what she's doing.

In short, you need to choose.  This girl or the CF.
JTF wise unless your wife is in the military or works at dryer hill you're going to have a lot of uissues.

War was around a little bit before the USA came around and when she said that to you in person you should have really started asking yourself if this was the woman you want to have kids with.

My friend who supports a regular infantry unit as a medic said that he is averaging 2 domestic and one international flights a month. When you go away it's for weeks to months.

My wife told me "Do what you want"once.
 
It doesn't mean what you think - incidentally I have a ZX6R for sale if you're interested  ;)
« Last Edit: February 03, 2012, 16:38:50 by Grimaldus »
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Offline mariomike

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2012, 16:25:11 »
This thread is not specific to girlfriends, but you may find it helpful:
http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php?topic=13678.325
15 pages.

Online Diamondwillow

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2012, 16:43:44 »
I have learned that in life you need to do what is right for YOU (yes its perhaps selfish) because at the end of the day, living with regrets is a terrible thing.  If you fail - at least you tried, but the *what ifs* in life - I should have, I could haves... are killer. 

My husband denied is lifelong desire of going into stage productions.  His girlfriend (who he DID spend 20 years of his life with and married.) didn't want him to go to Ryerson (I believe) where he got accepted with scholarship for stage productions because they would be *apart*.   In the end, he went to school in London (he lived in Cambridge) taking some *hip* course of the day that gave him NOTHING (remember back in the 80's all this *spare time* we were all going to have working shorter weeks?  ya.. well. *cough*).  I digress, he dropped out of college, married his high school sweet heart worked odd jobs until he got his present job in a factory.  That too was a temporary thing while his wife went back to school- got a career then it was his turn... you know what?  His turn never came.  20 years later he is STILL at that same factory - the wife/girlfriend is gone (with two careers paid by him no less) and he regrets...  To this day he feels had he told her to stuff it and he went to college on that scholarship - he would have been far better off and he would have been doing what he loves.

I have chosen not to have regrets - My spouse puts me through a great deal of grief when his insecurities get the better of him, but I am GOING into the Forces.  I will go as far as I can and do as well as I can and in 30 years I will look back on my life and I will say - I tried - and I have no regrets.

My spouse says if he was 10 years younger he would join with me... I tell him he can!!  He chooses not to take that chance.  He lives a life of regret - and its of his own doing.
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."  Unknown

Offline mariomike

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2012, 16:48:30 »
He chooses not to take that chance.  He lives a life of regret - and its of his own doing.

Nice post. They say it's not what you are, it's what you don't become that hurts.

Offline Scott

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2012, 17:07:12 »
This thread is ******' awesome.

Nothing is good enough for the troops, so nothing is what they are going to get.

If you do not get out and vote, shut up.

Offline GAP

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2012, 17:11:08 »
This thread is ******' awesome.

Yeah sure, you're not the one wringing your hands, weeping copiously, stressing out over that cute little thingy that you don't really want to leave..... ;D
REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Offline Scott

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2012, 17:11:55 »
Yeah sure, you're not the one wringing your hands, weeping copiously, stressing out over that cute little thingy that you don't really want to leave..... ;D

The girl or the dog?
Nothing is good enough for the troops, so nothing is what they are going to get.

If you do not get out and vote, shut up.

Offline GAP

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #11 on: February 03, 2012, 17:16:49 »
either, but I would be he's stressing out over the girl, the dog, the real dog, doesn't mind changing humans..... ;D
REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Offline CDN Aviator

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #12 on: February 03, 2012, 17:18:34 »
Never ceases to amaze me, the drama people cause themselves...........And then over-complicate things for the benefit of the audience here.

There's no need to make everything worthy of the Dr. Phil show.

Shame, really.
"Ahh..... F**k it....weapon away !!"

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Offline Bart905

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #13 on: February 03, 2012, 17:22:42 »
diamondwillow I agree with you 100% . I know Im only 19 but i been in lots of relationship and a partner that loves you , respects is you and by your side no matter what is marriage material . If you do join and go on tour she will cheat . That's my 2 cents the way you described her

Offline Scott

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #14 on: February 03, 2012, 17:25:35 »
This just keeps getting better.

Dude, diamondwillow is a girl, methinks...

How many relationships at 19? You seem so self assured...
Nothing is good enough for the troops, so nothing is what they are going to get.

If you do not get out and vote, shut up.

Online Diamondwillow

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #15 on: February 03, 2012, 17:28:28 »
Very much a girl... 100% girl... :D well - woman actually haven't been a *girl* in a long time ;)
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."  Unknown

Online Diamondwillow

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #16 on: February 03, 2012, 17:31:56 »


There's no need to make everything worthy of the Dr. Phil show.

Shame, really.

Oh come now,  its so much FUN! ;)
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."  Unknown

Offline C.G.R

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #17 on: February 03, 2012, 17:32:56 »
Personally, I would not stay with my girlfriend if she did not support me in being in the CF, or in addition, anything that I am that passionate about.

She knows this, but luckily for me she is supportive and I am supportive of her.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4

Offline Brihard

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #18 on: February 03, 2012, 17:44:26 »
It's has been said better than I in the past.

- - - - -

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,   
And sorry I could not travel both   
And be one traveler, long I stood   
And looked down one as far as I could   
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
 
Then took the other, as just as fair,   
And having perhaps the better claim,   
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;   
Though as for that the passing there   
Had worn them really about the same,
 
And both that morning equally lay   
In leaves no step had trodden black.   
Oh, I kept the first for another day!   
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,   
I doubted if I should ever come back.
 
I shall be telling this with a sigh   
Somewhere ages and ages hence:   
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—   
I took the one less traveled by,   
And that has made all the difference.

- - - - -

Call it cheesy, but it's done right by me.
Pacificsm is doctrine fostered by a delusional minority and by the media, which holds forth the proposition it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

Offline Ryango

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #19 on: February 03, 2012, 17:55:43 »
Sorry I'm a little off-topic but just curious. What gym are we talking about. (I used to train at Tristar and thought it was the biggest)
I was referring to size as total members, I guess a better description would be Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu academy. If you are in the know, i'm sure you can guess the academy, but I will please ask you to keep it under wraps as I put my whole personal life out there on the forum today and not everyone who knows me personally from my work place needs to be told.

I really appreciate the honesty and heartfelt opinions I have received already. I have looked at this from every angle I could possibly think of.
I believe the main reason I haven't pushed the issue more with my girlfriend is that I genuinely do not like to see her distressed, and since in the end I  do WANT to open my own place, I can see how she thinks it doesn't make sense.

Any input on the schedule of an infantry member would help me a lot on how I would deal with my dog as he accompanies to work at the present moment, I have a lot of options with family helping along with my girlfriend, but I would like to see how viable it would be.

Also does anyone know about the other option I mentioned? Being contracted as an instructor? I know the CF already has fabulous combative instruction but I have not heard of anything in regards to BJJ being taught, as it's become increasingly more popular in the American systems, BDU to Gi differential is very small.

Again thank you all for your input.

-Ryan

Offline GAP

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #20 on: February 03, 2012, 17:57:24 »
You have sooooo much to do and go through before instructing anything is going to be an issue........
REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I´m not so sure about the universe

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Offline Ryango

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #21 on: February 03, 2012, 18:09:08 »
You have sooooo much to do and go through before instructing anything is going to be an issue........

I appreciate the info. I was thinking more along the lines of an outside contractor. Just want to see if there was a compromise to be made.

Offline ballz

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #22 on: February 03, 2012, 18:13:18 »
I was referring to size as total members, I guess a better description would be Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu academy. If you are in the know, i'm sure you can guess the academy, but I will please ask you to keep it under wraps as I put my whole personal life out there on the forum today and not everyone who knows me personally from my work place needs to be told.

I really appreciate the honesty and heartfelt opinions I have received already. I have looked at this from every angle I could possibly think of.
I believe the main reason I haven't pushed the issue more with my girlfriend is that I genuinely do not like to see her distressed, and since in the end I  do WANT to open my own place, I can see how she thinks it doesn't make sense.

Any input on the schedule of an infantry member would help me a lot on how I would deal with my dog as he accompanies to work at the present moment, I have a lot of options with family helping along with my girlfriend, but I would like to see how viable it would be.

Also does anyone know about the other option I mentioned? Being contracted as an instructor? I know the CF already has fabulous combative instruction but I have not heard of anything in regards to BJJ being taught, as it's become increasingly more popular in the American systems, BDU to Gi differential is very small.

Again thank you all for your input.

-Ryan

Perhaps you can start your gym and still contribute. I am not sure where you live or where you would be starting your gym, but consider the things you can "donate" to the CF if you start your own business. A free/cheap seminar here and there, going to the base and offering free/cheap instruction, big discounts for military members, etc. In this country we need more than military members, police officers, etc... We also need entrepreneurs and we need engineers and we need artists and athletes. Consider your tangible skill set and it's value (a black belt in BJJ is worth a lot in Canada right now...) and how you can use that to contribute to the CF without being in the CF.

I know I would appreciate it like crazy if a BJJ black belt came to my unit and offered a free seminar or something.

At the same time... I know what I would tell a girlfriend that thought I should throw away my aspirations just so I don't cause her an inconvenience...
Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
- Helen Keller
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Offline ArmyVern

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #23 on: February 03, 2012, 18:23:27 »
Very much a girl... 100% girl... :D well - woman actually haven't been a *girl* in a long time ;)

Still, I highly recommend keeping up with daily verification of such if only as a means of reducing your stress levels via assuring you haven't somehow changed overnight.
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Offline Brihard

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Re: Advice and an open mind needed
« Reply #24 on: February 03, 2012, 18:29:36 »
Surprised it hasn't come up yet- but have you thought of joining the reserves?
Pacificsm is doctrine fostered by a delusional minority and by the media, which holds forth the proposition it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.