Topic: What's the dumbest thing you heard said today?

[mover1]

"Hey ... when your done your dental come back and report to ops, your at the scheduling desk today"

"But sarge you mean I have to come back? My parents are visiting from Minto?"

"Hmmm the schedule says your working? Did you get a leave pass in?"

"Ummmm"

"Do you have a signed leave pass stating you have the day off?"

"ummm no but I have something worked out with Sgt >>>"
"oh worked out with Sgt >>> I see. well just to inform you that Sgt >>> is in Vancouver on compassionate reasons. And whatever you had "worked out" with Sgt >>> you can take up with him when he gets back. And in the future if you want a day off. Put a leave pass in."

[BYT Driver]

...are you sure we don't work for the same people
 

[PMedMoe]

Nominee for this year's Darwin Awards??

Man gets friend to shoot him in bizarre custody case

Dallas police are investigating the bizarre death of a man who they say asked a friend to shoot him so he could blame his injuries on his ex's new boyfriend and gain custody of his son.

Police said Dwayne Moten, 20, was shot Saturday. He was driving a car in Dallas, stopped at an intersection and got out of his car, screaming for help.

"He yelled he had been shot," a police spokeswoman said.

Police arrived on scene and found Moten was suffering from "several gunshot wounds."

Sr. Cpl. Kevin Janse told Fox News that Moten was shot by a friend and alleged it was all so Moten could blame the shooting on his ex's new boyfriend.

"He wanted custody of that child and he was willing to take a bullet to get custody of the child," Janse alleges in a video on the Fox website.

Moten died from the injuries. His friend, Jacob Wheeler, 20, has been charged with murder.

"There's legal ways to get custody of a child and taking a bullet, and ultimately dying, is definitely not one of those ways," Janse said.

 

[Delta26]

actually Moe,

i think he won the award...

it's his friend that's the nominee...

[Oh No a Canadian]

I guess you could say he was just dieing to see his son.


 

[DexOlesa]

The real question is why was he suffering from "SEVERAL" gunshot wounds?? He couldn't have worked it out with his friend "I need you to shoot me but just once and in the leg" Instead of "Several times to the chest would be more convincing"

[PMedMoe]

The real question is why was he suffering from "SEVERAL" gunshot wounds?? He couldn't have worked it out with his friend "I need you to shoot me but just once and in the leg" Instead of "Several times to the chest would be more convincing"

I guess it doesn't work if you have friends dumber than you.      

[ModlrMike]

I note that the offense took place in or near Dallas. IIRC, Texas still has the death penalty, and is not afraid to use it. So they could both wind up as Darwin candidates.

[BYT Driver]

Thank you Texas for adding more chlorine to the gene pool...

[PMedMoe]

This from right here in Canada:

Woman denied government job because of race

OTTAWA - A stay-at-home mother trying to re-enter the workforce after nine years away says she can’t understand why the federal government would stop her from applying for a job simply because she is white.

Sara Landriault, a sometime family activist, says that with her kids in school full time she decided to start looking for work outside of the home.

While surfing on the federal government job website, Landriault says she found a position at Citizenship and Immigration Canada she felt she was qualified for but was blocked from submitting her resume because she was not an aboriginal or visible minority.

“I was flabbergasted,” Landriault said in a telephone interview from her home in Kemptville, Ont., just south of Ottawa. “It was insane. I’m white, so I can’t do it?”

Landriault says she has seen job postings in the past that encourage certain groups to apply.

“Which is fine, it’s an equal opportunity position,” Landriault said. “But an equal opportunity employer does not stop one race from applying.”

A CIC spokeswoman takes a different view.

“We are under-represented by aboriginal employees in our work force,” said Melanie Carkner. “At this point in time, the department does meet requirements for visible minorities; however, given the department’s mandate, we make a concerted effort to hire individuals in this group.”

 

[kratz]

I am split in deciding to post this here or in the Dumbest Criminal thread.

from timminspress.com

Thief armed with poutine steals purse
Posted By THE DAILY PRESS
Posted 7 hours ago
 
Only in Canada would a thief use poutine as a diversion to snatch a purse.

David Birch, 25, has been sentenced in Timmins provincial court to four months in jail for theft after dumping poutine over a woman's head and running off with her purse.

The woman was an ex-spouse.

Court heard Birch entered a business in Timmins May 20 at 3:30 a.m. where he encountered his former spouse.

Due to previous convictions, Birch was prohibited from having contact with her at the time.

The two argued but then afterwards the victim asked Birch to hold on to two poutines. Birch subsequently dumped one poutine over the woman's head.

He then snatched the victim's purse and fled the establishment. The purse contained valuable items including bank cards and house keys.

Birch was apprehended by police several days later and ordered to return the items to their owner.

Duty counsellor Calvin Ferrier, who represented Birch during the proceeding, advised the court that the couple would like to reconcile.

"I've spoken to the victim, who would be happy to have the accused back in her life providing he pays her the money he owes her," Ferrier said.

Assistant Crown attorney Dale Cox pointed out that the accused is still prohibited from contacting his former girlfriend.

"He's been in court with alarming regularity," said Cox.

[milnews.ca]

kratz:  There's always worse diversions:
http://toronto.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20100528/feces-theft-bank-machine-100528/20100528?hub=Toronto
 

My personal fave of the day - lawyer "insulted" over, gasp, having to follow immigration rules:

Born and raised in New York, Dodi Robbins graduated from Harvard University and has been practising law for 13 years.

Her first language is English. Yet like all other skilled immigrants applying to settle in Canada, the American corporate lawyer must now take a language test to prove her English is good enough to settle here.

“I was outraged, insulted and floored,” said Robbins, who obtained her law degree at Benjamin N. Cardozo Law School in New York. A mother of two, she has been working in Toronto on a work permit for four years as compliance and regulations counsel for an international financial services company.

“I almost fell off the chair. I’ve been practising law here for years and I have to prove my proficiency in English?” ....

http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/838085--all-immigrants-face-mandatory-language-test?bn=1

[NinerSix]

"MCpl! I swallowed my tongue ring."

[PMedMoe]

"MCpl! I swallowed my tongue ring."

"Good, {insert rank here}!  You aren't supposed to have one on in uniform anyway!"   

[GAP]

"MCpl! I swallowed my tongue ring."

Tell him to wait a day or so and it will be returned....then he can put it back in....

[ArmyRick]

A recent one after an ND

"I didn't fire the weapon, Warrant, I just pulled the trigger by accident!"

 

[Chapeski]

I am split in deciding to post this here or in the Dumbest Criminal thread.

from timminspress.com

Facepalm, I think I was in grade school with this moron.

[rezz]

I work at a collection agency, so I hear the dumbest comments from the debtors on a daily basis, but I think this next comment which will be coming from a co-worker takes the cake.

Note: The co-worker in this story, sitting next to me is from Afghanistan

During my shift, I was having a conversation with my supervisor about the Canadian Forces, the war in Afghanistan and the recent death of Sapper Brian Collier. In the middle of the conversation the agent sitting next to me blurted out: I am glad they don't come back alive, they shouldn't have stepped foot in my country to begin with.

I was speechless.

Should I report the agent to the HR department for the outrageous and out of line comment?

[Kat Stevens]

Nope.  Opinions are everyone's right, and there's no law against being an *******.

[Tommy]

I work at a collection agency, so I hear the dumbest comments from the debtors on a daily basis, but I think this next comment which will be coming from a co-worker takes the cake.

Note: The co-worker in this story, sitting next to me is from Afghanistan

During my shift, I was having a conversation with my supervisor about the Canadian Forces, the war in Afghanistan and the recent death of Sapper Brian Collier. In the middle of the conversation the agent sitting next to me blurted out: I am glad they don't come back alive, they shouldn't have stepped foot in my country to begin with.

I was speechless.

Should I report the agent to the HR department for the outrageous and out of line comment?

Throat Punch.... Repeatedly.... Whatever is left of him after can be shipped back to his Beautiful Homeland which he is so clearly Pining for....

[agc]

I work at a collection agency, so I hear the dumbest comments from the debtors on a daily basis, but I think this next comment which will be coming from a co-worker takes the cake.

Note: The co-worker in this story, sitting next to me is from Afghanistan

During my shift, I was having a conversation with my supervisor about the Canadian Forces, the war in Afghanistan and the recent death of Sapper Brian Collier. In the middle of the conversation the agent sitting next to me blurted out: I am glad they don't come back alive, they shouldn't have stepped foot in my country to begin with.

I was speechless.

Should I report the agent to the HR department for the outrageous and out of line comment?

Or CSIS.

[PMedMoe]

Ask him what the **** he's doing in Canada and why isn't he home protecting his land.

[George Wallace]

I work at a collection agency, so I hear the dumbest comments from the debtors on a daily basis, but I think this next comment which will be coming from a co-worker takes the cake.

Note: The co-worker in this story, sitting next to me is from Afghanistan

During my shift, I was having a conversation with my supervisor about the Canadian Forces, the war in Afghanistan and the recent death of Sapper Brian Collier. In the middle of the conversation the agent sitting next to me blurted out: I am glad they don't come back alive, they shouldn't have stepped foot in my country to begin with.

I was speechless.

Should I report the agent to the HR department for the outrageous and out of line comment?

Interesting view.  Did you think to ask him what he was doing in our country?

[Sapplicant]

"People in this country are so stupid. If they knew their arses from a hole in the ground, they'd elect the Green Party to a majority, or at the very least, the NDP. I'm sick of being oppressed by the Conservatives, it's like I'm living in Pakistan or something. At least with the Green Party, our troops wouldn't be in Iraq anymore, and I'd get more money for school, AND I could probably get away with not paying it back."


Spoken by a 6th year philosophy student from St. Thomas University (still working on his B.A.). He was upset that the Gov't didn't give him what he wanted for loan money. Apparently it was only enough to cover his tuition, rent, and food.

[Jim Seggie]

Nope.  Opinions are everyone's right, and there's no law against being an *******.

The right to free speech guarantees someone will make an a$$ of themselves on a daily basis. That pretty much includes me as well!!